Recipes, bitches!
Inspired by Lauren; in fact, I even left these in her comments. But I pulled something in my back tonight and I’m in so much pain that my snarkiness is seeping into my recipes.
I don’t cook much, but when I do, I have two favorite recipies. In fact, one isn’t even cooking.
Expand if you’re remotely interested in popularity and stardom.
STRAWBERRY/FRUIT DIP:
This stuff is simple but orgasmically good.
One standard-size packet of cream cheese
One standard-size jar of puft marshmallow (like you use in a fudge recipe)
Mix together and dip your strawberries in it, so any health benefits from the fruit is nullified.
If you aren’t feeling nauseated by the time you’re done, you haven’t had enough strawberries and dip!
STRAWBERRY DIP PART DEUX:
Sounds gross, but would a fat person ever stear you wrong about issues of food? Fuck no.
Take a strawberry.
Dip it in plain yogurt (just do what I say, Snippy McSnipperson)
Then dip it in brown sugar
Eat it. I said EAT IT. Goddamn it, don’t make me come over there.
Better than you thought it would be, isn’t it?
SOUR CREAM ENCHILADA CASSEROLE.
Prepare 2 pounds ground beef with taco seasoning, following the directions on the taco seasoning packet. Yes, even you men need to read the directions.
In a 13 x 9 x 2 casserole dish, you will line up your enchiladas (which are really beef, cheese and bean burritos — shut up! Don’t try and comprehend a hidden meaning. Just accept that in this case, enchilada = burrito)
Open a can of refried beans and smear some onto a 12 inch diameter tortillia. Add beef, then add cheddar cheese. Roll up into a big honkin burrito and put it in your casserole dish. Rinse and repeat. You should use all but about 1/4 of your refried beans doing this.
Heat up a 16 oz container of sour cream with two cans of cream of chicken soup (sounds gross but do it because I said so goddamnit!)
Pour the sour cream sauce on top of the casserole dish that is now full of your bean/beef/cheese burritos, which you will heretofore call enchiladas because that is the name that is in the title of the stupid recipe, OK?
Sprinkle more cheese on top (cardiac bypass surgeons need money!) and heat in 325 degree oven until cheese is melted or until your piece of shit boyfriend finally shows up he was supposed to be here two hours ago where has he been I think he’s cheating the fucking BASTARD!
Serve with guacamole, diced tomatoes, and lettuce. Do not serve with black olives because they’re fucking disgusting, seriously what is wrong with you to even suggest it? Like I want some beetle-carcass lookin’ olive on my food.
Enjoy!
God, I like your style. I’m like a fan of yours or sumpthin’.
Comment by elsa — Tuesday, August 2, 2005 @ 5:34 am
Oh man this all looks yummy.
Comment by Susan — Tuesday, August 2, 2005 @ 7:10 am
OK. I. Am. Starving. now…
Comment by Busy Mom — Tuesday, August 2, 2005 @ 8:48 am
I love the strawberry dip. I make it and I add a little cinnamon. I like it on melons too..Yummy..
Comment by jodi — Tuesday, August 2, 2005 @ 9:21 am
For that strawberry dip: add a teaspoon (or 2 or to taste
) of your favorite liqueur: Framboise (raspberry); frangelico (hazlenut); amaretto (almond); kahlua (coffee) (I think you get the picture) and dip any type of fruit in it. I buy those cute little 1 or 2 oz bottles so I don’t have a bunch left over ‘cause, y’know, I can’t just leave that stuff sitting in the cabinet; it calls to me (SHUT UP! IT DOES TOO CALL TO ME! BY NAME EVEN! It’s creepy…) and I have to finish it. But that’s a whole ‘nother story.
Comment by rickg — Tuesday, August 2, 2005 @ 2:58 pm
Yum! Minus the beans it sounds good!
Comment by Jenniy — Tuesday, August 2, 2005 @ 3:23 pm
I gotta try those. Mmmmm
Comment by danelle — Tuesday, August 2, 2005 @ 5:13 pm
Mmmm… dairy… :9
Comment by Erica — Tuesday, August 2, 2005 @ 10:51 pm
I’m going to try Jodi’s and Rick’s suggestions about the cinnamon and liquor.
Jenniy, I usually don’t put too much beans in it, or leave it out altogether unless I’m making it for company. Nice thing is that you can make 1/2 with beans and 1/2 without and everyone is happy.
Comment by drunkenlagomorph — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 12:39 am