Flying Spaghetti Monster should be taught in schools!
You want what? No, there is no way I could have possibly heard you right. You want creationism (Intelligent Design) to be taught in schools? With my fucking tax dollars?
Are you ’shroomin?
Anyone who believes that the world is only 5,000 years old and was created in 6 days deserves to be slapped for their stupidity. And God may just be the first in line to slap them.
Now, now. Don’t damn me to hell just yet! (And if you stop reading here, then don’t bother commenting/emailing with anger or offers of prayers for my soul because you haven’t heard me out.)
1) Why can’t the story of Genesis be taken as a parable, like so many other parts of the Bible? There are so, so many parts of the Bible that you have to take with a grain of salt (is this Bible passage a parable to teach a truth or lesson? was the passage translated correctly? was this passage phrased this way so that the message would speak to the people of the time, i.e. kick a woman out of the house during her period, owning slaves is just great in the Lord’s eyes, you go to hell if you eat pork, blah blah).
2) God is a pretty smart gal/guy. Don’t you think that He/She, when creating the world, would put evolution in place? Kind of a “low-maintenance” plan? It’s a genius system, really. One that may be of divine creation in itself. Why should God upgrade the world every few thousand years? Why not build in an adaptation system (i.e. evolution) to do the upgrading for Him/Her?
I do NOT think that keeping an open mind to scientific discoveries and being a Christian are mutually exclusive. God gave us our brain and curiousity and intelligence. Isn’t the blind disregard of scientific progress in order to unquestioningly adhere to old myths and superstition a slap in God’s face?
The fact that religious OPINION is being legislated into public school cirriculum should make everyone fucking terrified, even the people whose opinions are currently popular enough to be forced down our throats. It’s your day to bully us now, but what next? $cientology “truths” being given equal time in the classroom? You laugh now, but what if Tom/Katie cause the popularity of the murderous cult to skyrocket, and $cientology becomes just as popular as Christianity? They’ll be a majority then, and based on the religious right precedent, they may just be able to legislate their religious viewpoints as well. 
OK they will never be that popular because 1) they kill off their members by withholding medical care, and 2) they require hundreds of thousands of dollars out of their church members over a lifetime, and not many people have that kind of money. But still, ya feel me?
But what if another Intelligent Design viewpoint, such as the Flying Spaghetti Monster, rides in on the coattails of the religions who want to legislate their OPINIONS into public school (paid with tax dollars) cirriculum? (Thanks Ann for the link!) An excerpt:
We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is.
For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage.
Seriously people, if you can believe that a supreme being created the entire world, then surely you can believe that the same supreme being created evolution and put it in place in the world He/She created.
Quit trying to feel superior to others by beating us with your interpretation of the Bible. Find another way to get some self-esteem.
For thousands of years, people much smarter than you or I have devoted their entire lives to interpreting the Bible. These people can’t even reach a consensus on what the truth is. It terrifies me to think that Bobby Jo and Cletus, proud GED recipients in FuckingKillMeNow, Kansas are so certain they know the absolute truth about the universe that they are forcing the rest of us to listen to their THEORIES, despite a complete lack of scientific evidence and proof.
Truly scary folks. And shame on you, Bobby Jo and Cletus.
PS - Ha ha! “Noodly Appendage”
I’m all for teaching Christian creationism in public schools. I think it’s a great idea. Seriously. As part of a class on world religions, of course, teaching Christian creation beliefs alongside Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, Islamic, Native American, Ancient Greek, and other belief systems. What? That’s not what they mean by putting God into the classrooms?
Comment by B² — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 5:45 am
The Flying Spaghetti Monster has got legs
Here's another critique of Intelligent Design creationism that suggests that the Flying Spaghetti Monster should be taught in schools. I love the iconography.
Trackback by Pharyngula — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 8:37 am
I believe the world is roughly five/six thousand years old. =/
*curls up with Moose* So I shall just stay quiet.
Comment by Lynn — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 10:40 am
You are intelligent but brainwashed by the podium principle.
I will pray for you now!
Comment by Jim Collins — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 11:05 am
snort. ‘noodly appendage.’
classic (and i’m a preacher’s daughter!)
Comment by ding — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 11:51 am
I was very excited– I thought I was being visited last night by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but it turns out it was only Cthulu. Bummer.
Comment by Phil Plait — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 1:53 pm
The Problem with “Intelligent Design”
President Bush said Monday he believes schools should discuss Intelligent Design alongside evolution when teaching students about the creation of life. — Associated Press, 8/1/2005No doubt President Bush’s endorsement of Intelligent Design was a shre…
Trackback by Philomathean — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 2:21 pm
One of the best things that we could do would be to teach the literal word of the bible in school. Once the students actually learn what it says in the Old Test. the impact could be a fun thing to watch. I dare say that the PTL, 700 Club and Focus on the Family crowd would not be all that happy.
Question — God to a primative people: Have a seat and let me tell you about microbes and diseases.
OR: I command you not to eat pork.
Would the same god make the same rules today?
Comment by shyster — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 5:51 pm
The fact that religious OPINION is being legislated into public school cirriculum should make everyone fucking terrified, even the people whose opinions are currently popular enough to be forced down our throats.
The Drunken Lagomorph
Trackback by BlogBites — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 6:18 pm
Amen, sistah! I think that either no religion should be taught in school–or they should give equal time to the big ones–Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, etc. I wholeheartedly agree with Shyster above…
Comment by julie — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 8:30 pm
You knew I would have to chime in here! I am a born again Christian, but I believe that there absolutely has to be some sort of timeline “issues”, and that evolution absolutely exists. Evolution is brilliant, so of course it’s divine.
I believe that there is much interpretation to be had concerning the parables and “moral stories” in the Bible, but I do believe that the message of salvation is true, and is the most important part of a Christians life. I don’t see any point arguing how old the earth is or whether dinosaurs existed or not, because in the big picture, it’s really not that important.
God only requires one thing to be saved after death, and being “right” about creationism/evolution ain’t it.
I love that I can read something you wrote Mary, and get fired up about it…rant and rave about it..and know that it changes absolutely nothing between us. *kiss kiss.
Comment by danelle — Wednesday, August 3, 2005 @ 10:25 pm
I know for sure that an intelligent designer guided the creation of my blog. His name is “Bob.”
http://goodmorninghouston.blogspot.com/2005/08/this-blog-has-been-intelligently.html
Comment by Thomas — Friday, August 5, 2005 @ 2:13 am
The reaction to Bush’s statements
In response to George W. Bush’s statement that he supports teaching Intelligent Design creationism in our public schools, I wrote my own reply, and also volunteered to collect links to other people’s criticisms.
Trackback by The Panda's Thumb — Saturday, August 6, 2005 @ 8:07 am
Progressives are coming across as assholes on this one, which suits me fine. To compare venerable viewpoints mentioned in both the Declaration and the Constitution and held to by the Founders based on millenia of philosophy and science to “Whatever I feel like making up right now.” reveals a level of ignorance and scientism that is not worth dealing with. A form of scientism seems typical to the self-defined “reality based community” and can be traced back into the sort of arguments made by the progressives of the eugenics movement at earlier times.
E.g.
[The] bill [was] to cover only “patients” at any state custodial institution who “would be likely, if released without sterilization, to procreate a child, or children, who would have a tendency to serious physical, mental, or nervous disease or deficiency.” Patients would be sterilized upon the recommendation of their institution’s super intendent, subject to the approval of a three-member State Board of Eugenics. […]
The amended bill was overshadowed during the session by other progressive reforms…..
Nevertheless, the General Assembly did not overlook the bill. Backed by the chairman of the state medical board and the physician’s lobby, the measure generated little debate as it passed the House of Representatives by an overwhelming vote of 117 to 29.
One of the few negative floor comments came from an Atlanta law maker who protested against “trying legislation on something that ought to be left to God to take care of.” In explaining the bill’s easy passage after years of inaction, the progressive Augusta Chronicle noted, “The very intelligent campaign for a sterilization law in Georgia which was conducted by a number of prominent young Augusta women did much toward educating the members of the Legislature and the people of Georgia generally as to the great necessity for such a law in this state.”
The Chronicle went on to urge prompt Senate action “in voting for a sterilization law, which would place Georgia among those progressive states in the Union which are doing their part to stamp out insanity, imbecility, and crime.”(”In The Finest, Most Womanly Way:” Women
in The Southern Eugenics Movement
By Edward J. Larson
The American Journal of Legal History,
Vol. 39, No. 2. (Apr., 1995), pp. 139)
Cloaking every idiotic idea that they have in the term “science” and condemning those who disagree as “religious” is not new to the so-called reality based community of progressives.
Comment by mynym — Sunday, August 7, 2005 @ 1:26 pm
E.g., philosophy and science:
Nicolaus Copernicus, Heliocentric Theory of the Solar System:
“How exceedingly vast is the godlike work of the Best and Greatest Artist!”
“The Universe has been wrought for us by a supremely good and orderly Creator.”
Johannes Kepler, Kepler’s Laws of Planetary Motion:
“Praise and glorify with me the wisdom and greatness of the Creator, which I have revealed in a deeper explication of the form of the universe, in an investigation of the causes, and in my detection of the deceptiveness of sight.”
“God who is the most admirable in his works.. .deign to grant us the grace to bring to light and illuminate the profundity of his wisdom in the visible (and accordingly intelligible) creation of this world.”
Galileo Galilei, Laws of Dynamics, astronomicalconfirmation of the heliocentric system:
“The holy Bible and the phenomena of nature proceed alike from the divine Word.”
(The Wonder of the World: A Journey from
Modern Science to the Mind of God
by Roy Abraham Varghese :103)
Etc.
Comment by mynym — Sunday, August 7, 2005 @ 1:28 pm
Comment by drunkenlagomorph — Sunday, August 7, 2005 @ 1:50 pm
If someone were to renounce their faith in the Flying Spaghetti Monster, would that be considered an act of apastasy?
Comment by gollyjeepers — Saturday, August 13, 2005 @ 1:59 pm
Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant!
From a scientific standpoint, intelligent design is a fringe Christian philosophy and religious hypothesis - nothing more. Period.
If it weren’t for the media pandering to Oh-So-Right Wing Christian Jihadists, the intelligent design lobby would be relagated to the likes of bad astrology seminars at the Holiday Inn. Teach Science in Science class, religion in religion class (or Temple, or Sunday school, or where ever).
Peace -
Jonathan
Comment by Jonathan — Tuesday, August 16, 2005 @ 7:21 am
The problem is that they’re proposing the teaching of ID in science classrooms. Science, being the process of repeatable, observable, natural phenomena. (For those of you who challenge that evolution can’t be repeated, look at Evida)
Intelligent design isn’t observed, it’s all written down already. Science finds evidence, and tries to create an explanation. The ID lobbiests have an explanation, and are trying to find evidence to support it. That kind of reasoning makes no sense.
Comment by Andrew — Tuesday, August 16, 2005 @ 2:58 pm
Does the Flying Spaghetti Monster come with Marinara or Alfredo sauce?
Comment by sudiegirl — Thursday, August 18, 2005 @ 11:37 am
So if the FSM is sooooooo great, can he kick Trogor’s ass?
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html
Comment by Carlito — Friday, August 19, 2005 @ 2:50 am
“Lighthouses are more helpful than churches.” - Benjamin Franklin
Comment by Mogo — Tuesday, August 23, 2005 @ 3:22 pm