Flying Spaghetti Monster should be taught in schools!
You want what? No, there is no way I could have possibly heard you right. You want creationism (Intelligent Design) to be taught in schools? With my fucking tax dollars?
Are you ’shroomin?
Anyone who believes that the world is only 5,000 years old and was created in 6 days deserves to be slapped for their stupidity. And God may just be the first in line to slap them.
Now, now. Don’t damn me to hell just yet! (And if you stop reading here, then don’t bother commenting/emailing with anger or offers of prayers for my soul because you haven’t heard me out.)
1) Why can’t the story of Genesis be taken as a parable, like so many other parts of the Bible? There are so, so many parts of the Bible that you have to take with a grain of salt (is this Bible passage a parable to teach a truth or lesson? was the passage translated correctly? was this passage phrased this way so that the message would speak to the people of the time, i.e. kick a woman out of the house during her period, owning slaves is just great in the Lord’s eyes, you go to hell if you eat pork, blah blah).
2) God is a pretty smart gal/guy. Don’t you think that He/She, when creating the world, would put evolution in place? Kind of a “low-maintenance” plan? It’s a genius system, really. One that may be of divine creation in itself. Why should God upgrade the world every few thousand years? Why not build in an adaptation system (i.e. evolution) to do the upgrading for Him/Her?
I do NOT think that keeping an open mind to scientific discoveries and being a Christian are mutually exclusive. God gave us our brain and curiousity and intelligence. Isn’t the blind disregard of scientific progress in order to unquestioningly adhere to old myths and superstition a slap in God’s face?
The fact that religious OPINION is being legislated into public school cirriculum should make everyone fucking terrified, even the people whose opinions are currently popular enough to be forced down our throats. It’s your day to bully us now, but what next? $cientology “truths” being given equal time in the classroom? You laugh now, but what if Tom/Katie cause the popularity of the murderous cult to skyrocket, and $cientology becomes just as popular as Christianity? They’ll be a majority then, and based on the religious right precedent, they may just be able to legislate their religious viewpoints as well. 
OK they will never be that popular because 1) they kill off their members by withholding medical care, and 2) they require hundreds of thousands of dollars out of their church members over a lifetime, and not many people have that kind of money. But still, ya feel me?
But what if another Intelligent Design viewpoint, such as the Flying Spaghetti Monster, rides in on the coattails of the religions who want to legislate their OPINIONS into public school (paid with tax dollars) cirriculum? (Thanks Ann for the link!) An excerpt:
We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is.
For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage.
Seriously people, if you can believe that a supreme being created the entire world, then surely you can believe that the same supreme being created evolution and put it in place in the world He/She created.
Quit trying to feel superior to others by beating us with your interpretation of the Bible. Find another way to get some self-esteem.
For thousands of years, people much smarter than you or I have devoted their entire lives to interpreting the Bible. These people can’t even reach a consensus on what the truth is. It terrifies me to think that Bobby Jo and Cletus, proud GED recipients in FuckingKillMeNow, Kansas are so certain they know the absolute truth about the universe that they are forcing the rest of us to listen to their THEORIES, despite a complete lack of scientific evidence and proof.
Truly scary folks. And shame on you, Bobby Jo and Cletus.
PS - Ha ha! “Noodly Appendage”
