I don’t understand the advertisements about “Summer’s Here!” like it’s a big whoop-dee-doo. Who likes it? It’s hot. Gas prices go up. Kids are out of school and on my lawn (geddoff my lawn, ya damn kids!).
I want fall, and sweatshirts. I want winter and snow. I want the end of my deodorant failure.
Oh April in Colorado. How I miss you!
Inmate, to me: “YOU get your fucking FAT ASS down those stairs and get me some tylenol, NOW!”
What I said (calmly): “We’re done here.” I shut the cell door pass-thru and walk away, as the deputy locks up and the inmate continues screaming for my death and throwing things in her cell.
What I wanted to say: “I may be fat, but I can lose weight, and you’ll never lose your chronic and debilitating case of ‘crazy scumbag whore’. Not only is my fat ass going to be sleeping in its own bed tonight, but I think I’ll take some tylenol right now, just because I can. Bitch.”
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