* Events written about in this entry are fictional, and are not at all based upon what I may or may not have seen at work last night. Any resemblance to real-life morons and true cluster-fuck events is purely coincidental.

Work release is a pretty sweet deal. You keep your day job, get to eat anything you want all day, wear normal clothes, and do whatever. You only have to return to jail at night to serve your sentence.

TIPS FOR PEOPLE ON WORK RELEASE:

1. If your girlfriend (who is married to someone else) is the one picking you up and dropping you off every day, have her stay in the car. Don’t have her greet you warmly in the very-public courthouse.

2. Do not choose the parking lot of the jail — which has police officers, sheriff’s officers, and surveillance cameras everywhere — as the place to beat up said girlfriend just after she gave you a ride back to jail for the night. Not only will charges be pressed, but officer eyewitness testimony and video presented in court is pretty strong evidence against you. Also, you’ll lose your sweet work release deal which included keeping your job, keeping your income, and obviously some stolen nookie-time with said girlfriend.

BONUS TIP FOR THE LADIES!

When filling out a police report after having the shit kicked out of you by your significant other, the phrase “I love him so much!” is really not relevant.