Vignettes of parental approval
As of a few weeks ago, I’m 37 years old. So why don’t I remember that when my parents get their barbs in?
For example, three weeks ago my happy ass was at a family reunion. One of my nice cousins asked me if I thought I’d ever get married again. (I’ve been divorced for 12 years.) I politely said that I don’t think marriage is ever in the cards for me, and it’s not important to me at this point in my life. My dad said, in front of every relative at the dinner table:
“Yeah right. You aren’t ever going to get married again because no one will ever ask you!”
Thanks, Dad! It may be true, but you don’t have to fucking say it!
(By the way, it’s not entirely true. Why just last spring, a British guy asked me to marry him so he could stay in the country.)
And yesterday, I emailed my mother about my new job, and throughout the day I got two emails back from her. Let’s read an excerpt or to, shall we?
I’m so sorry you have to take such a pay cut but there’s something to be said for working someplace where they really want you. Can you get just real cheap and pay off some bills so those won’t be hanging over your head? I hope you can still find a way to join a weight reduction program - you’d feel so much better about yourself and be healthier. PLEASE!!!!
Insert doubletake here. (Yes, the “PLEASE” was in all caps, the exclamation points all hers.) What does me losing weight have to do with a new job? Or to being a good person in general? Last month, I got so sick of her weight comments I told her, “Well, maybe I shouldn’t be in the family portrait this year. After all, you wouldn’t want to be disgraced by a fat person in the picture.” Her reply: “Oh, you could lose weight by then, couldn’t you?”
Then later in the day I get this. The “don’t date an inmate” joke I knew was coming (because I’m not good enough to get a man who is law-abiding), and the obligatory “you were arrested once for 12 hours for spraypainting and we’ll never let you forget it, you loser” reference.
Now that I’ve gotten used to the idea of my daughter spending 8 hours a day in jail in the company of inmates, I just want to say one thing. Don’t think you need to bring any of them home to meet your parents!!!! Ha, Ha!!!
… Will you have to take your lunch with you or do you eat “prisoner” food? I’m still having a little difficulty imaging my sweet daughter “in jail”. Afraid this may lead to me making a few stupid jokes.
Can you feel the love, my friends?
Ahh, isn’t family great? I know it’s why I live 2,000 miles away from mine!
Comment by B² — Friday, July 8, 2005 @ 11:57 am
Comment by drunkenlagomorph — Friday, July 8, 2005 @ 12:03 pm
My grandmother has always treated my mother like that. In fact I think the last time she commented about her weight she actually said, “Well, you sure have gotten fat.” Combine that with being married to my abusive asshole father for 19 years. To this day I don’t think my mom really ever allows herself to believe that anyone truly loves her or appreciates her, no matter how it is expressed to her.
Comment by Jaime — Friday, July 8, 2005 @ 5:23 pm
Comment by drunkenlagomorph — Friday, July 8, 2005 @ 5:32 pm
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: your folks are kinda jerky. They should feel lucky to know you.
I recently saw my mom and she didn’t recognize me at first because “your hair has receded so much”.
Thanks, ma. I wasn’t feeling self concious about it or anything… -_-
Comment by Cy — Saturday, July 9, 2005 @ 12:24 pm
Wow. Have you ever read the book “Toxic Parents” ? You should.
cha-cha!
See.. this is why my Mom doesn’t even know my email address.
Comment by momof2 — Saturday, July 9, 2005 @ 4:29 pm
Wow–that sounds just like my in-laws. We’ve had to cut off all contact with them cause they were saying awful horrible things to my dh and kids. That is really hard to take. I hope you are coping ok, and don’t let them get to you. Be thankful you’re obviously a much much better communicator than they are.
Comment by Julie — Sunday, July 10, 2005 @ 5:09 am
Heck, If I wasn’t heterosexually challenged, I would have married you when you proposed to me
Comment by mike — Sunday, July 10, 2005 @ 10:06 pm